At LittleBee, I’ve seen one or two short text exchanges every two or three weeks, plus updates after prenatal visits. Your own routine may be different, and it can change as the journey goes on. If the messages feel too much—or too few—you can ask to talk through a new plan.
What does regular contact look like in real life?
A regular check-in should fit around your job, your children and the rest of your life. You do not need to promise daily updates to have a caring relationship with intended parents. A warm message can be brief. You can care about the family you are helping and still have a full day of your own.
It helps to separate friendly chats from news about the pregnancy. A personal check-in might be about how your week is going. An appointment update tells them what happened at the visit and what comes next. In my experience at LittleBee, changes in medical care call for prompt contact, and messages may become more frequent near the due date.
Texting may suit a busy day better than a call. You might enjoy a longer talk when you both have time. There is no single right level of closeness1. The aim is a routine that leaves both sides clear about when to expect news. Professional guidance also calls for discussing how often to connect and which way to do it2.
If you have not matched yet, bring this up among your questions for intended parents.
Will we stay in touch after the birth? That is worth discussing separately, rather than assuming your pregnancy routine will continue. You might hope for occasional photos or a friendship. The intended parents may picture something different. Talk about what each of you hopes for after the journey2, without promising a closeness you cannot yet know. Our postpartum support guide covers this stage in more detail.
What can I say if I want less—or more—contact?
Say what is hard, then suggest a routine you can keep. You may worry that asking for fewer messages will sound unkind. Or you may feel awkward admitting that you would like more contact. Both are needs you can talk about without blaming the other person.
A useful way to start is to name your feelings and make a clear, specific request3. Try these steps4:
- Name the problem: say which part of the current routine is hard for you.
- Offer a change: suggest something you could fit into your week.
- Hear their needs: ask what would help them feel included, too.
- Confirm the plan: write down what you agree to, in a short message.
If you need less contact, you could say:
“I want you to feel included. I may not reply while I’m at work or doing school pickup. If there is appointment news, I’ll share it through our agreed channel. Could we choose a time for other check-ins?”
If you would like more contact, you could say:
“I would enjoy hearing from you a little more. Would a short call sometimes work for you? I’d like to know how you’re doing, too.”
“Please text less” may leave them unsure when to reach out. A clear time to catch up gives you both a place to start. You can also ask what they mean by a phrase like “regular updates.”
Sofia liked the intended parents, but their idea of staying in touch was wearing her out.
During matching, Sofia said she was happy to stay in touch. The intended parents heard “daily updates.” Sofia meant “regular messages around appointments.”
After transfer, three check-in messages could arrive before lunch. None was rude, but Sofia felt watched. She worried that asking for less contact would hurt the relationship.
The coordinator helped them choose a simple plan: one group thread, a weekly personal update, medical news after appointments, and calls for urgent decisions. The intended parents felt included. Sofia got room to live her normal life.
She did not need to become less friendly. They needed to stop guessing what “stay in touch” meant.
When should I ask for help?
Repeated pressure or conflict about your care is a reason to get help. A late reply on a busy day is different from repeated demands after you have explained what you can manage. Requests to hide information from your care team or change a medicine also need more than a friendly reply.
You do not have to settle a difficult conversation while replying to a string of messages. Tell us what has become hard. A few examples of the messages, and what you have already tried, can make your concern easier to explain. You can contact the coordinator you work with during your journey rather than trying to solve it all in the group chat.
At LittleBee, we have on-call coordinators to help with contact at night and in urgent situations. We send medical questions to the medical team and pass along the instructions they have confirmed. If you are worried about a symptom, follow your care team’s contact instructions; do not wait for the intended parents to reply.
Keeping them informed does not hand over your right to consent to your own medical care5. If the strain is affecting the relationship, a mental health professional who works with surrogacy1 can also help you talk through expectations.
If your agreement sets out contact duties you want to change, or you disagree about what it requires, bring that question to your own lawyer2.
What can we share about photos and test results?
Sending a photo privately is not the same as agreeing to a public post. Before you send a belly photo or family picture, say whether it can be passed to relatives or posted online. Ask before sharing someone else’s image6, too.
You could write: “I’m happy to send this to you both. Please ask me before forwarding it or posting it.” A request for pregnancy updates does not have to turn into a request for pictures of your children. For their photos, think about their privacy and ask them when they are old enough to understand7. Even a private account can allow screenshots.
For medical news, share the pregnancy information covered by your agreed permissions. Professional guidance calls for a release for the medical information relevant to the journey2. Sending an update need not mean handing over your whole patient portal password. If someone asks for access, ask the clinic which records can be shared and how.
A result on a screen may be hard to understand without context. Ask your care team what an unclear result means8, then pass along the explanation. “The result is back, and I’m waiting for the doctor to explain it” is a clear update when that is where things stand.
What if we speak different languages or live in different time zones?
Short written updates can help when you cannot easily talk at the same time. Set a time for calls that works in both places. For ordinary texts, say when you are usually awake and free to reply. A message arriving during their afternoon may reach you in the middle of the night.
Use everyday words and keep each message to one topic. For an appointment or call, include the date, time and time zone. If an important plan sounds unclear, put it back in your own words and ask whether you understood. That can reveal a mix-up before either side acts on it.
At LittleBee, we arrange Chinese–English interpretation for match video calls when needed, with a written summary in both languages afterward. Our coordinators have also helped with translation and contact after a match. Ask us what language help is available for the conversations you expect to have.
For a medical conversation, ask your clinic about an interpreter9. A translation app may help with a friendly greeting, but an unclear medicine instruction needs the care team’s explanation before you act. Legal wording belongs with your lawyer and suitable language help. You should be able to understand important information, not guess at it from a translated message.
If you are thinking about applying, tell me the kind of contact you hope for and what would be hard for your family. I help with initial application questions at LittleBee. You can start your application with those needs in mind. For other journey questions, browse our surrogacy process articles.
References
- Navigating Surrogacy Relationships: How Mental Health Professionals Support Intended Parents and Carriers — seleni.org, accessed 2026-10-17
- Recommendations for practices using gestational carriers: a committee opinion (2022) — asrm.org, 2022
- Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better — mayoclinic.org, 2024-01-20
- Effective Communication Skills: I Messages and Beyond — extension.usu.edu, accessed 2026-10-17
- Consideration of the gestational carrier: an Ethics Committee opinion (2023) — asrm.org, 2023
- Consent for sharing photos and videos — esafety.gov.au, accessed 2026-10-17
- Sharenting: 5 Questions to Ask Before You Post — healthychildren.org, accessed 2026-10-17
- How to Understand Your Lab Results — medlineplus.gov, accessed 2026-10-17
- Interpreter Services — stanfordhealthcare.org, accessed 2026-10-17
About this guide
I’m Vivi, a Client Manager at LittleBee Surrogacy. This guide draws on our experience and the professional sources listed here. Last reviewed October 17, 2026.